the guide
How to make a hard decision
You've been turning it over for days. The pros, the cons, what people would think, what you'd lose. And the more you think, the blurrier it gets. Here's a simple way to get out of the loop without forcing an answer.
Write the situation down, plainly
In your head, a decision is a knot: facts, fears, other people's voices and old stories all tangled together. On paper, they separate. Write what's happening as if you were telling a friend, without trying to be fair or clever.
You'll often notice that the question you've been asking yourself isn't quite the real one.
Find the real question
"Should I take this job?" is rarely the real question. It's more often something like "Am I allowed to want more?" or "What am I afraid of losing if I leave?". The real question is usually the one that stings a little.
Once you've found it, the options stop looking equal. That's normal. That's the point.
Look at it from a few angles
A decision looks different depending on where you stand. Try a few places before you choose.
- What does it change for the people involved, including you?
- What matters most to you here, underneath the practical stuff?
- What would the you of five years from now say about it?
Decide, then let it be imperfect
There's rarely a perfect choice. There's the choice you can stand behind. Give yourself a moment to decide, not a deadline to be certain. Certainty often comes after, once you're moving.
this guide's question
What do you already know, and are waiting for the courage to admit?
A decision is going round in your head?
Tell Dessille what's going on. It won't tell you what to do. It hands you back the real question, so you can decide for yourself.
Untangle mine, for freeThe questions people often ask
How do I know if I'm making the right decision?
There's no perfect decision, only decisions that fit what matters to you. Instead of looking for the right answer, ask yourself which one you'll be able to stand behind in six months. A decision is rarely right or wrong when you make it. What you do with it afterwards is what counts.
Why can't I make up my mind?
Often it isn't the choice that's blocking you, it's a fear hiding behind it. Fear of disappointing, of regretting, of getting it wrong. Putting words on that fear helps more than weighing the pros and cons for the hundredth time.
How do I stop overthinking a decision?
Overthinking is usually going round in circles on a question you haven't really put into words. Write your situation down, find your real question, give yourself a moment to decide, then accept that some uncertainty is part of any choice.